KRAMER: Do you ever yearn?
GEORGE: Yearn? Do I yearn?
KRAMER: I yearn.
GEORGE: You yearn.
KRAMER: Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often, I...I sit...and yearn. Have you yearned?
GEORGE: Well, not recently. I craved. I crave all the time, constant craving...but I haven't yearned.
KRAMER (in disgust): Look at you.
GEORGE: Aw, Kramer, don't start...
KRAMER: You're wasting your life.
GEORGE: I am not! What you call wasting, I call living! I'm living my life!
KRAMER: O.K., like what? No, tell me! Do you have a job?
GEORGE: No.
KRAMER: You got money?
GEORGE: No.
KRAMER: Do you have a woman?
GEORGE: No.
KRAMER: Do you have any prospects?
GEORGE: No.
KRAMER: You got anything on the horizon?
GEORGE: Uh...no.
KRAMER: Do you have any action at all?
GEORGE: No.
KRAMER: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
GEORGE: I like to get the Daily News!
(The Keys)
Showing posts with label seinfeld. Show all posts
Showing posts with label seinfeld. Show all posts
Monday, June 9, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Home early enough to watch a Seinfeld episode!
GEORGE: I’d like to report a problem with one of your mechanics.
WILLIE: When did you bring the car in?
GEORGE: (To the man behind him in line) Yeah right.. I’m gonna get my car repaired at a dealership. Huh! Why don’t I just flush my money down the toilet?
WILLIE: Sir, what, exactly, is the problem?
GEORGE: One of your guys - Kip, or Ned, short name - stole my Twix candy bar!
WILLIE: Are you saying he grabbed the candy bar away from you?
GEORGE: He might as well have! I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.
WILLIE: I thought you said it was a Twix.
GEORGE: Oh, it was. But he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.
WILLIE: Maybe it was.
GEORGE: Oh, no, no. Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.
WILLIE: What about the $100,000 bar?
GEORGE: No. Rice and caramel.
WILLIE: Nougat?
GEORGE: No.
WILLIE: Positive?
GEORGE: Please.
(A woman appears from behind the window)
WOMAN: You know they changed the name from $100,000 bar to 100 Grand?
GEORGE: All I want is my seventy-five cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!
(An old man sitting in a nearby chair speaks up. He’s Willie’s father)
WILLIE SR: I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.
(The man behind George speaks up)
MAN: What’s the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?
GEORGE: They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial!
WILLIE SR: Not Skittles.
WILLIE: Dad, I told you you could sit here only if you don’t talk.
WOMAN: (Sitting behind George) You make your father sit here all day?
WILLIE: He likes it!
GEORGE: Alright! Do you mind? I have the window! (To Willie) Now, what are you gonna do about my Twix?
MAN: (In line behind George) Twix has too much coconut.
GEORGE: No! There’s no coconut!
WOMAN: (Behind service window) I’m allergic to coconut.
WILLIE: I’m not.
WILLIE SR: ..A nickel!
--------------------------------------------------------
WILLIE: Mr. Costanza, I really don’t have time for this.
GEORGE: Now, if this mechanic guy, was, in fact, eating a 5th Avenue bar, as he claimed, wouldn’t you agree he would have no problem picking one out from a candy line-up?
WILLIE: "Candy line-up"?
GEORGE: I’ve spent the last hour preparing ten candy bars with no wrappers of identification of any kind for him to select from.
WILLIE: It took you an hour?
GEORGE: Only I hold the answer key to their true candy identities. And so, without further ado, I give you.. the candy line-up. (Opens a door to a back room.
Various dealership employees are munching on candy bars)
SALESWOMAN: Hey, Willie, check it out! Free candy!
GEORGE: That’s my candy line-up! Where are all my cards?! They’re - they’re all on the floor!
(George starts picking up the numbered cards from off the floor. He sees the mechanic eating one of the candy bars)
GEORGE: And you! How many Twix does that make for you, today?! Like, 8 Twix?!
MECHANIC: No.
MAN: Hey, this Clark bar is good.
GEORGE: It’s a Twix! They’re all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell ya! And you’ve robbed it! You’ve all screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a Twix!
MECHANIC: They’re all gone.
GEORGE: (Yelling out, frustrated. The camera spins from a top angle) Ttttttwwwwiiiiiixxxxx!
WILLIE: When did you bring the car in?
GEORGE: (To the man behind him in line) Yeah right.. I’m gonna get my car repaired at a dealership. Huh! Why don’t I just flush my money down the toilet?
WILLIE: Sir, what, exactly, is the problem?
GEORGE: One of your guys - Kip, or Ned, short name - stole my Twix candy bar!
WILLIE: Are you saying he grabbed the candy bar away from you?
GEORGE: He might as well have! I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.
WILLIE: I thought you said it was a Twix.
GEORGE: Oh, it was. But he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.
WILLIE: Maybe it was.
GEORGE: Oh, no, no. Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.
WILLIE: What about the $100,000 bar?
GEORGE: No. Rice and caramel.
WILLIE: Nougat?
GEORGE: No.
WILLIE: Positive?
GEORGE: Please.
(A woman appears from behind the window)
WOMAN: You know they changed the name from $100,000 bar to 100 Grand?
GEORGE: All I want is my seventy-five cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!
(An old man sitting in a nearby chair speaks up. He’s Willie’s father)
WILLIE SR: I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.
(The man behind George speaks up)
MAN: What’s the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?
GEORGE: They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial!
WILLIE SR: Not Skittles.
WILLIE: Dad, I told you you could sit here only if you don’t talk.
WOMAN: (Sitting behind George) You make your father sit here all day?
WILLIE: He likes it!
GEORGE: Alright! Do you mind? I have the window! (To Willie) Now, what are you gonna do about my Twix?
MAN: (In line behind George) Twix has too much coconut.
GEORGE: No! There’s no coconut!
WOMAN: (Behind service window) I’m allergic to coconut.
WILLIE: I’m not.
WILLIE SR: ..A nickel!
--------------------------------------------------------
WILLIE: Mr. Costanza, I really don’t have time for this.
GEORGE: Now, if this mechanic guy, was, in fact, eating a 5th Avenue bar, as he claimed, wouldn’t you agree he would have no problem picking one out from a candy line-up?
WILLIE: "Candy line-up"?
GEORGE: I’ve spent the last hour preparing ten candy bars with no wrappers of identification of any kind for him to select from.
WILLIE: It took you an hour?
GEORGE: Only I hold the answer key to their true candy identities. And so, without further ado, I give you.. the candy line-up. (Opens a door to a back room.
Various dealership employees are munching on candy bars)
SALESWOMAN: Hey, Willie, check it out! Free candy!
GEORGE: That’s my candy line-up! Where are all my cards?! They’re - they’re all on the floor!
(George starts picking up the numbered cards from off the floor. He sees the mechanic eating one of the candy bars)
GEORGE: And you! How many Twix does that make for you, today?! Like, 8 Twix?!
MECHANIC: No.
MAN: Hey, this Clark bar is good.
GEORGE: It’s a Twix! They’re all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell ya! And you’ve robbed it! You’ve all screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a Twix!
MECHANIC: They’re all gone.
GEORGE: (Yelling out, frustrated. The camera spins from a top angle) Ttttttwwwwiiiiiixxxxx!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Seinfeld Finer Things
Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
(The Marine Biologist)
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